I'm back again. Today is turning out to be as dreary as I feel. I washed my car to pass some time ... it looks like rain but I needed to get tree sap & grease off of it. I also had to do "surgery" on poor old Ted E. Seems his head was coming off from all the hugs he's gotten in his lifetime. The poor ole bear. He only gets attention when I am sad and crying - never when I am happy. Oh well, he loves me regardless and always has time for my tears. (Gosh knows he's endured way more than most bears his age but he has always been here to help me deal with things that otherwise seem hard to manage, which has been a lot more than I want to admit but added all up, they make me who I am and each one has strenghtened me in their own way)

I miss "him" even though it's barely been 14 hours since "the call." I've had a few males message me on yahoo to comment that I jumped to the wrong conclusion and should give him some time to recover from the "blow to his ego" I gave him when I said I was going to return the key. Also had one or two telling me that I am totally out of line and need to call him and beg forgiveness (seems you men stick together, even when you don't know each other) Had another who wanted me to make sure I wasn't just trying to use him as a crutch to get through this "severe thunderstorm" my life seems to be lately. WELL - rest assured, he isn't a crutch!! He is someone remarkably sweet that I found impossible not to fall in love with, even when I didn't want to. Someone that makes me happy just to be around ... that I enjoy waking up next to, look forward to talking to and spending time with ... (maybe a bit too much for him, I dunno) and someone who is patient and devoted to whatever task he seems to be working on. He definitely doesn't seem to be as emotional as I am (unfortunately, I wear my heart on my sleeve too much) but, he is a strong man after all, and it is hard to tell what they think/feel unless they want you to know.

Honestly, I don't know what happens now. Do I love him the way he is? Yes. Do I regret making that call? Yes even though at the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Do I still want to be with him? Hell yes! (The question is, does he still want to be with me? And to that, only he knows the answer.)

I'm going to go lay down with Ted and try to rest some, I'm emotionally drained right now ... geeh, I wonder why??