I've been thinking ...

Yeah, Yeah - I know .. scary thought ... but humor me, will ya?

Last weekend, Jason & I had this wonderfully romantic weekend .. just him and I ... and it was the closest thing to a perfect date that I've ever known ... hey, I'm 35 so that's saying alot, lol.

This weekend, we spent it with the kids. My boys and Tori most of the time. We even took them to Burger King first and then the beach and all 3 of them got in the water (Jason took pictures so you have to wait until he downloads them) I was standing on the beach with Jason behind me holding me, watching them in the water and first, a song came to mind that I started singing (I Hope You Dance) .. and then a poem that I quickly wrote down as soon as we walked back to the truck ... (I'll try to get the notepad and post it later)

And in my thoughts - I was thinking how awesome it is that my kids can have fun no matter what they're doing. Here they were, in November, swimming in the ocean. Laughing. Smiling. Enjoying Life. With that child-like innocence that so many of us lose because we get jaded as we get older. That's why that song popped into my head and I had to start singing it. I hope my sons can always find their own happiness. Even when society may frown on them. Yes, it's the middle of November and they're swimming in the ocean. But, most importantly, they were happy and having fun when all the others out there were just looking at them. Me? I was just surrounded by happiness and love for them. Yes, I guess maybe I have taught them more than even I realize ...

Jason realizes that Tori is looking for positive attention and although she can sometimes get aggravating, he accepts her too. And that says alot about him. He's not only accepting me and my sons, but also a teenage girl that, although very wierd at times, likes spending time with me, my sons and him ... how many others out there would do that? He doesn't exclude her from our activities. Most men out there would. But then again, he's not most men.

I had to tell him something last night that I was scared to death to tell him. Actually, 2 things. He could tell there was something bothering me but wasn't sure what and caring about me, he thought all the wrong things. I had told my friends and was told that the best way to tell him was to be honest and that if he loved me, he'd understand. Of course he did understand and didn't run. He's that way. Yeah, my friends were right (they usually are, lol)

Life is always full of surprises. Especially my life. Even this week, though I've been really happy with Jason, I had a bit of unsettling news from my past. It's bad but not bad enough that I can't handle it. And thankfully, Jason loves me enough that he's ready to deal with it with me.

But I guess that's what life is huh? Dealing with that bad to appreciate the good? If that is indeed what we must do ... I'd have to say at this moment in my life ... all the bad that I've been through is definitely worth the happiness I have now.

I only wish that my friends, especially Jessica, Matt .. Mac, and Tara could find the happiness that they deserve in life ... but I know that when the time is right, they will. Till then, I'll be here for them as much as I can ... loving, missing and wishing for them all the happiness they deserve and more ...