CJ Turned 12 Today

Ok, I'm not bummed about my son turning 12 today .. even though that means I am yet another year older ... I am not going to dwell on the age thing where I am concerned ...

Instead, I will dwell on how much older he is getting ... how much progress he has made in his short life ... how much he has impacted my life ... and how very glad I am to be given him as a gift ...

It seems like only yesterday he was a tiny baby, my first born son. He was the cutest baby in that whole nursery at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland. And there were LOTS of babies .. and NO it isn't me being a prejudiced mom either. He was born with a head full of platnium blonde hair ... with an angelic smile that I knew right away was going to mean trouble for all the females he ever came into contact with (and so far, I'm right about that)

If I close my eyes, I can still see him lying in that incubator because his bilirubin was too high with the little eye shield on making him look like a SuperHero (he was, he just didn't know it, but I'll tell you about that in a minute) ... and they were afraid he'd need a transfusion ... after an emergency cesarean delivery where they almost lost both of us ... but he was a fighter, not sure where he got it, but he was .. and he kicked that jaundice and amazed the hospital staff and I got to bring him home on Valentine's Day 2003 - my best Valentine's gift ever! (and I doubt it will ever be topped)

Soon after I brought him home from the hospital, my dad's health took a turn for the worst and I moved back in with my parents with my son. Yes, I was married at the time and my husband came with me .. I had to be close to my dad, to help in any way that I could. Thankfully my husband understood and stuck by me because he knew that this was what I needed to do.

My dad died the day before CJ turned 2 months old. It was the week of Easter. After weeks of suffering and when he was alone in the room with my mom. Dealing with losing my dad without my son would have been unbearable for me ... I honestly believe, to this day, that someone sent him to me so that I could get through it all. So yes, in my eyes, he will always be my angel, my SuperHero because when I was (and still am) at my lowest, most saddest points - my son, my beautiful little boy, always, always manages to make me smile and remember that there are things, even in our darkest hours left to smile about ...

He hated feeling the rain the first time he touched it but loved the water when he first got in a pool. He loved Barney, much to my dismay. He toppled scrub buckets and laughed at the bubbles he swatted with his little hands while lying in the watery mess. He was his dad's constant companion when dad wasn't at work ... he tamed and captured my little sister's heart. He took his first steps the day I went into labor with his baby brother.

We all got through the death and aftermath that it caused so eventually, needing a change ... I moved with my husband and my sons to Florida first and then to Georgia, where we now call home. It's alot better here for them than in West Virginia although most of my friends and all of my family are there ...

I taught him how to read/write ... was in play groups with him, took him to the beach or pool every day in the summers and cried the day I took him to his first Pre-K class ... watched him grow from a helpless little baby to an emerging boy that had spirit & spunk and a personality that is undescribable.

His dad & I divorced in 1999. Even at 6 years old, he took it very well. Even though we tried to "hide things from them" he knew that we had been fighting and told me in the ride to our new home without daddy that "He would miss daddy but didn't want mommy to cry anymore."

After about 6 months though, my poor baby got soo sad - he didn't eat right, got in trouble in school and was such a miserable little boy. I asked him what I could do to make things better for him .. and he said "I want to live with my Daddy."

Talk about something that rips your heart out for a minute. All I ever wanted from my earliest memories were to be a mom ... and here was my son that I love more than anything asking to live with Daddy more than me.

After a while, I decided that to be a good parent, I had to do what was best for my son ... so, I let him have what he wanted. I would not separate the boys because they had never been apart so both boys went to live with dad thru the week and with me on weekends. I have NEVER Regretted that decision. Society may think that a kid should be with their mom .. but little boys need their dad's (when their dad's aren't deadbeat pricks) and it is not ultimately society's decision about what is best for my sons - it is mine .. and I know that I did what was best for my sons and their happiness - society can kiss my ass if it doesn't approve ...

In the years since that happened, my son has grown into a very bright little boy. He makes good grades, plays football or fall baseball (when he isn't in choir for the girls), he helps his dad do prep work to paint yachts so he can learn a trade for when he is older (and yes, be close to dad still) he rides go-carts, fights with his brother but protects and looks out for his 1 year old baby sister.

He is the outspoken, flirtatious, sensitive one of my 2 sons. He does not accept people well that cause hurt to those he loves. He tries, but he just can't ... he is the one that senses when you need a hug the most and is there to give it ... he says what he thinks (he always has) and isn't afraid to ask for what he wants ... he already stands up for what he thinks is right .. and will go out of his way to make someone smile.

He is the reason they stay with Dad more than me ... but Dad is a good dad. The kind that teaches them a trade even though he wants them to go to college so they don't have to do manual labor.

He is my beautiful, flirtatious, smart, stubborn, determined, caring, little boy and he's 12. Soon, it won't be soo cool to hang out with mom on weekends and sometimes through the week.

But for now, I'll take the moments when he does think it is cool. The times he comes up out of no where with the hugs and "I love you Mommy" and they will always overcome the times that he isn't here with me .. because he knows he has a choice and got to freely make it .. without guilt ...

and he knows without question that Mommy loves him and will always be here for him no matter what ... even if it means making him do chores, get good grades and respect others.

and what more can a Mom want??