The Eve of One the Storms of My Life

Today has been one of those days where not much holds my interest for any amount of time. I think it is because I have a "Storm" to weather in the morning on top of the others that I have been through over the last week. (May explain my bout of being throned and praying to the porcelain goddess all day that prompted me to come home early, who knows?)

I didn't really feel like interacting with anyone today but My Baby Sis called me from WV (my heart leapt when I saw the number on the caller ID) so I answered thinking she was calling about Momma. Nope - she was calling to bitch and moan about her fiance' and his interferring mother.

(sighs)

There is mention of the future mother-in-law's chickens in the yard and is worried about Ro not loving her son. After listening to her for 20 minutes (I couldn't get a word in) she asked me for advice (HA!) I told her that I WAS DEFINITELY NOT ONE TO GIVE ADVICE AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME. She rebutted by saying that since I was her big sister I knew more than she did and it was therefore, my duty to help.

(Ok, this is the point that I lost it)

I chidingly said, and this is a direct quote, "Ro, I cannot deal with this at this moment, my plate is already overflowing as it is. He broke up with me because he is afraid I'll hurt him again, I have (insert Storm here) to deal with in the morning, I am worried about Momma, my boss is leaving the office I work at and I am not sure what I will be doing, I don't feel well, and well, I just don't know what to tell you."

Since I have never (in her 32 years) taken that tone with her before (and haven't related just what her "all knowing big sister" has been dealing with lately) she got really quiet and said (I'm choking up here) "Well, I love you sis. Call me tomorrrow and let me know how it goes and if you need anything." You see, I am the Big Sister and I am supposed to be there for her - not the other way around - which explains her not knowing what I was dealing with here.

I felt absolutely horrible. Not that I didn't already but that was the blow that released the Emotional Dam all over again.

So, I sat in the dark living room for a bit with Nag Champa burning and cried with Ted. Brit called me about attending the "Storm" with me and we set that all up.

I could not shake that miserable feeling of missing him at this particular moment, not with all this other stuff happening. I summoned up all the courage I could and picked up the phone and called him, not knowing if he'd answer or what I'd say even if he did. He answered and we talked for a while, which, I needed even if it makes me look this way or that. I somehow get the feeling that he needed it too and doesn't think less of me for wanting/needing to talk to him. (Thank You Darling)

Now, I feel a wee bit better and am sitting here listening to Mp3s. I should go to sleep but I am not tired. So, until I am, I will sit here quietly reflecting while listening to Patsy, Johnny Cash, Live, The Ramones, Matchbox 20, Straight 8's, Gretchen Wilson and Toby Keith. (what a mixture)