Pet Lovers

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a
claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched
out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you
there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,

(2) don't ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,

(8) don't want to wear your clothes,

(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Men vs ....

I have decided that I can sum up most of my adult relationships by comparing each male to a certain type of water based catastrophe … and believe it or not, they fit quite nicely … read on and you shall see for yourself if you know me …

Jason is the calm place you usually go to but every once in a while, there’s an undercurrent, a churning, a blow spout, a ripple, a rocky sea – all usually caused by outside things that he lets build until he explodes. The place that even with the unknowns sometimes, you still feel the safest and know that even with the minor unexpectantcies, you’re gonna be relaxed soon and find a peaceful balance ….

Russ can best be described as a swirling abyss. (aka undercurrent) (aka sinkhole)At first you don’t see the danger. It might actually be breathtaking – exciting, deep – but OMG if you get close enough to get sucked in, you’d better be strong enough to pull yourself out and clear from being sucked back in or you’ll be stuck in that ever churning disaster for all eternity (or until one of you dies from the exhaustion of it all) either way, it has basically the same ending.

With this type of danger – you may even get continually sucked in because of promises, of blame being shifted thinking you too are at fault or whatever and each time, you sink lower into the swirls making each climb to the top to safety – or sanity, harder and harder.

The warning signs are there from the beginning but we choose to ignore them for whatever sick reasons our minds, our sick hearts, our libidos or our friends make for us but usually when 2 of 3 out of the about tell you to run when you find yourself in the about situation – RUN like hell and don’t look back. You’ll thank everyone later, trust me.

Shane was well, he was the breakers at the edge of the beaches that warn you to stay away from them. You know you HAVE to disobey the signs when you see them because it’s just how humans work. When you get down into the water outside the breaks, you see this dainty lil turtle (Katie) and you have to stay there and figure out how to get it outta the tidal pool it’s stuck in because obviously the break isn’t doing its job protecting it. The whole time you’re there cussing knowing you shouldn’t be but thinking if the dang break woulda done what it woulda supposed to have done, you wouldn’t be in that position but, you care about the little thing and you’re hellbent and determined to what you have to do to save the poor little thing.

Determined to fix it, you withstand the waves slamming you, looking out for cops since you are breaking laws being in the position you’re in but dang Breaker can’t do what he’s supposed to … and of course, you’re also in danger of sharks but hey, there’s the little one and you’re still hellbent and determined no one will hurt a little one while you’re around and finally, lil one’s mom shows up and can take care of her so you’re finally relieved of the duty shirking Breaker ….. so what if he’s off in search of the next lil turtles to neglect, at least it won’t be on your watch or conscious so, he has Karma to deal with, we all know how Ms. Karma works – maybe we’ll get to be the flies on the wall when it happens, lol.

There were other men in my life – but none that fit in on here.

Tid – he’s one of those rocks that you see, pick up - know it’s solid but for some reason, it makes you laugh in a good way. You still keep it and even if you don’t have it with you that often, you know it’s there when you need it.

My Dad. Well. That’s the one person I could never, ever manage to sum up if I tried. Today, April 7th is the anniversary of the day he died. I was there when it happened. Got to say all the things I hadn’t and held back things I wouldn’t tell him because I would not burden him with them. It’s been a long time and it has not gotten easier. I’m not sure if a girl ever really stops missing her daddy. Hell, I’m 39 – hardly a “girl” anymore but, to me, I’m still his little girl in that silly red suit, silly black patent leather shoes – and I miss him ….